By Ann Coulter

Democrats have decided that Alvin Greenes surprise victory in the South Carolina Democratic senatorial primary must be the result of a Republican dirty trick.
Greene beat Vic Rawl a former state representative and judge with a whopping 60 percent of the vote in last Tuesdays primary despite Greenes having no job no house no campaign website no campaign headquarters -- indeed no campaign. Other than paying the $10000 filing fee Greene seems to have put no effort into the race whatsoever.
But he does have one thing Rawl doesnt have: In the grand tradition of legendary Democrats such as Teddy Kennedy Greene has a felony arrest. (Greenes inexperience really shows here: Democrats usually wait until after theyre elected to show pornography to college girls.)
So this is not good for the Democrats. Naturally therefore theyre blaming Republicans.
Rep. James Clyburn D-S.C. has demanded that the U.S. attorney investigate ominously suggesting that Greene may be a Republican plant. Clyburn is the third-ranking Democrat in the House.
MSNBCs Keith Olbermann interviewed Greene as if he had Lee Harvey Oswald in the dock. Chris Matthews asked guests: Do you think this has the look of a dirty trick -- sort of a Watergate number? Watergate youll recall involved the Nixon White House trying to persuade a mildly retarded black man to run for the Senate.
Obama senior adviser David Axelrod said Greene was not a legitimate candidate and called his victory a mysterious deal. (Yes how could a young African-American man with strange origins suspicious funding shady associations no experience no qualifications and no demonstrable work history come out of nowhere and win an election?)
Theyre hopping mad these liberals but its not clear what their theory of the crime is. Before accusing Republicans of committing a dirty trick apparently no one asked the question: OK but what was the trick?
The key to Greenes victory you see is that he got more votes. How do liberals imagine Republicans pulled that off? Mesmerize the Democrats into voting for an idiot? If they could do that John McCain would be president.
There is zero possibility that Republicans skipped their own primary to vote for Greene in the Democratic primary. The marquee South Carolina election in last Tuesdays primary was the four-candidate mudslinging Republican gubernatorial primary. That one was so heated its still to be decided in a runoff next week.
Even Sarah Palin got involved in the race endorsing Nikki Haley (though not endorsing anyone in the Nevada primary as I incorrectly gave her credit for in last weeks column).
Not surprisingly more than twice as many South Carolinians voted in the Republican primary (424893) as voted in the Democratic primary (197380). Not only that but a higher percentage of Republican primary voters chose a candidate for Senate (97.12 percent) than did the Democratic primary voters (86.24 percent).
Perhaps realizing this liberal loons (Keith Olbermann) are now pushing the theory that Republicans somehow ... rigged the voting machines! (This is what happens when you know absolutely nothing about politics but are given a TV show.)
I promise you if Republicans could have rigged any voting machines they would have made sure Nikki Haley won by 51 percent instead of 49 percent to avoid next weeks runoff.
The only thing a Republican could possibly have done is pay Greenes filing fee. Its likely that someone paid his filing fee inasmuch as Greene doesnt appear to have enough money to buy a sandwich.
But anyone could have paid it -- ACORN a community organizer a stimulus grantor Betty White. If a Republican paid the $10000 filing fee why not give Greene another hundred bucks for a campaign website? Or how about making it $150 so Greene could buy a new suit?
But for the sake of argument lets say a Republican paid Greenes filing fee. Even the worst-case scenario is still not half as bad as what liberals did to Sen. Patrick Leahys Republican opponent in 1998. To the delight of the media liberals ran a simpleton dairy farmer Fred Tuttle in the Republican primary that year against a millionaire lawyer Jack McMullen.
As in the South Carolina race the serious candidate McMullen spent far more than the prank candidate -- by about $300000 to $200.
And as with Greene Tuttle was a feeble-minded everyman. He had starred in a movie Man With a Plan made by his Harvard-graduate neighbor about a cornball farmer who runs for Congress. Having Fred actually run for the Senate was openly described as a publicity stunt.
Fred won the primary and promptly endorsed Leahy.
The media lavished praise on the gentlemanly Senate race with The Associated Press calling it a calm folksy Senate campaign. Reporters think theres too much mudslinging when the Republican candidate doesnt immediately endorse the Democrat.
The movie starring Fred was run on PBS sponsored by Ben & Jerrys ice cream and Fred -- the winsome simpleton -- was fawned over throughout the media. (CBS Bill Geist to Tuttle: Are you a sex symbol?)
Thats a far cry from how reporters are treating poor Alvin Greene:
CNN anchor Don Lemon: Youre mentally sound physically sound? Youre not impaired by anything at this moment?
Greene: No. Just -- Im OK.
Lemon: No just what?
Greene: Im OK.
Lemon: Quite honestly you dont sound OK. Are you impaired by anything right now?
Greene: No.
I suppose you could say the Republican primary in Vermont was irrelevant anyway since Sen. Leahy was a shoo-in for re-election.
But so is Jim DeMint Alvin Greenes current opponent. Leahy won his prior election in 1992 54.2 percent to 43.3 percent. Jim DeMint won his last election 53.7 percent to 44.1 percent.
And Alvin Greene is clearly more qualified to be a senator than Patrick Leahy.
Ann Coulter is a columnist and author of Guilty: Liberal Victims and Their Assault On America.