Hope Change & Invest

width=71By Ann Coulter I missed the middle section of Obamas State of the Union address when I took a break to read War and Peace but I gather he never got around to what I was hoping hed say which is: What was I thinking? The national debt is $14 trillion the Democrats wont stop spending and President Nero gave us a long gaseous speech about his Stradivarius. I feel so Southern whenever I watch a Democrat give a State of the Union address -- and not just because it makes me want to secede. Consternating the rest of the family my Kentucky mother always talked back to the TV. I do it only when a Democrat is giving a speech. And if liberals didnt like Samuel Alito mouthing the words not true they should be really happy I wasnt in the House chamber Tuesday night. All I kept hearing was Ann pays more. Thats all I ever I hear when Democrats start in with all that investing. Apparently the government will be investing in education investing in technology investing in roads and investing in lots and lots of government workers. Ann pays more Ann pays more Ann pays more. Obama compared investing in education to our sending a man to the moon after the Russians launched Sputnik. Say who was the president who recently gutted spending on NASA? Oh yes that was Obama. So he reminded us of the glory days of the space program but now hes taking that money and funneling it to public school teachers. As the Democrats say: If we can put a man on the moon why cant we hire another 10000 public school teachers? Also solar panels. Obama said the government was already investing in solar panels! Thats a total relief. This must be how the president who brought us Recovery Summer is going to dig us out of the second Great Depression. But I do wonder why no private lender considered solar panels a wise investment forcing solar panel manufacturers to turn to the government for loans followed by endless tax credits just to break even. I guess people who work for the government are just smarter. Were so lucky to have them investing our money for us! Boy egg must be on Warren Buffetts face! Remember how massive government investments gave rise to the telephone the light bulb the automobile the airplane the personal computer ... OK none of those. But massive government expenditures did give us Amtrak and the TSA! The only thing Obama vowed to cut were earmarks. Yippee! The guy with the ears is against earmarks. Yes the same president who quadrupled our deficit by giving money away to his UAW pals Wall Street cronies and government workers is now lecturing us about earmarks. This is a bit like being scolded by Charlie Sheen for ordering a second wine cooler. You knew it was bad when John McCain leapt up and enthusiastically applauded. The last time I saw McCain applaud Obama like that was when he debated him. Obama said We are the nation that put cars in driveways and computers in offices; the nation of Edison and the Wright brothers; of Google and Facebook. And then the government outlawed Edisons great invention made the Wright brothers air travel insufferable filed anti-trust charges against Microsoft and made cars too expensive to drive by prohibiting oil exploration and right now -- at this very minute -- is desperately trying to regulate the Internet. On the bright side President Al Gore would have actually outlawed the cars in those driveways. I especially enjoyed his pitch for high-speed trains where you dont have to receive pat-downs. At least until one of those Muslims who is part of our American family blows one up -- at which point theyll be staffed with armies of genital-fondling unionized TSA agents on the public dime. Still I cant wait for Obamas America. An America where I can use lightning-fast high-speed Internet to file electronically for my unemployment benefits. Or better yet I can ditch my old oil-powered car and take a sunlight and water-powered high-speed train to the unemployment office for a change. And I hear CalTech is working on biofuels to power Recovery Summer 2011. The big laugh line was when Nero said mockingly I heard rumors that a few of you still have concerns about the health care law. Thats called 60 percent of the American public. Its not a joke and its not funny. Heres one: Hey Obama! Guy walks into a bar in the Gaza Strip. The bartender says Whatll you have? But the guy is killed instantly when an Iranian-made CT-28 missile strikes the bar also killing a woman and small child next door. Get it Obama? HA HA! Synthesizing Karl Marx and Ronald Reagan Obama said the government will soon be taking over every aspect of our lives and Republicans cant stop him -- but gosh isnt America a great country! Teachers are great we need to innovate children are our future we need paved roads kids should do their homework Labrador puppies are cute I like apple pie I (heart) Justin Bieber and how about them Yankees! Now heres your 2011 tax bill -- how would you like to pay for that? Actually I was glad to hear him say that there isnt a person here -- which presumably included Democrats -- who would live anyplace else. Then why are they always trying to turn us into Western Europe? Ann Coulter is a columnist and author of Guilty: Liberal Victims and Their Assault On America.
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