I Still Hate You Sarah Palin
By David Kahane
One of the most terrifying moments of my political life came last summer at the Republican convention in St. Paul. No I dont mean seeing John McCain careering around the Xcel Energy Center like Eyegore in Young Frankenstein as he reached across the aisle to his erstwhile friends in the media and got his hand bitten off. Rather Im referring to the aftermath of Sarah Palins outrageous acceptance speech which whipped up the Rotary Club delegates into a frenzy of white-boy fury that not even heckling by a brave Code Pink embed could deter.
Truly a fascist classic and one that sent shivers down our collectivist spines.
Even worse was the glaze of horror on the phizzes of the assembled heroes of the Mainstream Media. Andrea Mitchell yes the very same Andrea Mitchell NBC News Washington whose employer saw no conflict of interest at all when she married then Fed pooh-bah Alan Greenspan stood there gaping like a frog while the rest of the assembled Finemans and Matthewses and Olbermanns scurried around like roaches when the light gets turned on: What the hell just hit us?
For one horrible moment it looked as if the carefully crafted plans of David Axelrod Rahm Emanuel George Soros and the Second Chief Directorate first department of the old KGB were about to gang agley.
Not only were we offended at the sheer effrontery of McCains pick: How dare the Republicans proffer this dclasse piece of Wasilla trailer trash whose only claim to fame was that she didnt exercise her right to choose? Where were her degrees from Smith or Barnard her internships at PETA the Brookings Institution or the Young Pioneers?
We were also outraged that the Stupid Party had just nominated a completely unqualified candidate nobody had ever heard of a first-term governor of Alaska whose previous experience consisted of a small-town mayoralty. As opposed to our guy Barry Soetoro of Mombasa Djakarta and Honolulu a first-term senator nobody had ever heard of whose previous experience had been as a state senator (D. Daley Machine) in Illinois.
After eight long illegitimate lawless years of &*BUSH$#@! tyranny how dare you contest this election?
And so the word went out from that time and place: Eviscerate Sarah Palin like one of her field-dressed moose.
Turn her life upside down. Attack her politics her background her educational history.
Attack her family. Make fun of her husband her children.
Unleash the noted gynecologist Andrew Sullivan to prove that Palins fifth child was really her grandchild.
Hit her with everything we have: Maureen Dowd of the New York Times taking a beer-run break from her quixotic search for Mr. Right to drip venom on Sister Sarah; post-funny comic David Letterman to joke about her and her daughters on national television; Katie Couric the anchor nobody watches to give this Alaskan interloper a taste of life in the big leagues; former New York Times hack Todd Mr. Dee Dee Myers" Purdum to act as an instrument of Graydon Carters wrath at Vanity Fair.
Heck we even burned her church down.
Even after the teleological triumph of The One the assault had to continue each blow delivered with our Lefty SneerTM (viz.: Donny Deutsch yesterday on Morning Joe) until Sarah was finished.
You know what? It worked! McCain finally succumbed to his long-standing case of Stockholm Syndrome (My friends you have nothing to fear from an Obama presidency") Tina Fey turned Palin into a see-Russia-from-my-house joke conservative" useful idiots like Peggy Noonan and Kathleen Parker hatched her and finally Sarah cried No ms and walked away.
If we could wed cut off her head and mount it on a wall at Tammany Hall except there is no more Tammany Hall unless you count Obamas Tony Rezkofinanced home in Chicago. And it took only eight months heck Sarah couldnt even have another kid in the time it took us to destroy her. Thats the Chicago way!
Yes my friends its once again time to quote Sean Connerys famous speech from The Untouchables written by David Mamet the lecture the veteran Chicago cop gives a wet-behind-the-ears Eliot Ness (Kevin Costner back when he was a movie star) while they sit in a church pew.
You want to get Capone? Heres how you get him: he pulls a knife you pull a gun he sends one of yours to the hospital you send one of his to the morgue. Thats the Chicago way!"
If you just think of us liberal Democrats as Capone youll begin to understand what were up to. And we just put one of yours in the morgue.
I dont know why Im telling you this but maybe now youre beginning to understand the high-stakes game were playing here.
This aint John McCains logrolling senatorial club any more. This is a deadly serious attempt to realize the vision of the 1960s and to fundamentally transform the United States of America.
This is the fusion of Communist dogma high ideals gangster tactics and a stunning amount of self-loathing.
For the first time in history the patrician class is deliberately selling its own country down the river just to prove a point: that yes we can!
This country stinks and we wont be happy until weve forced you to admit it.
In other words stop thinking of the Democratic Party as merely a political party because its much more than that. Were not just the party of slavery segregation secularism and sedition. Not just the party of Aaron Burr Boss Tweed Richard J. Croker Bull Connor Chris Dodd Richard Daley Bill Ayers the Reverend Jeremiah Wright and Emperor Barack Hussein Obama II.
Not just the party of Kendall Agent 202" Myers the State Department official recruited as a Cuban spy along with his wife during the Carter administration. Rather think of the Democratic Party as what it really is: a criminal organization masquerading as a political party.
If you had any sense you would start using our tactics against us. After all you have a few lawyers on your side.
Sue us. File frivolous ethics complaints against all our elected officials until like Sarah they go broke from defending themselves. (David Paterson would be a good place to start.)
Challenge the constitutionality of BO2s legion of fill-in-the-blank czars none of whom have to be confirmed or even pass a security check. (Come to think of it neither did Barry.)
Let slip your own journalistic dogs of war assuming you have any to find Barrys birth certificate his college transcripts whether he applied to Occidental as a foreign student and on which passport he traveled in 1981 to Pakistan with his friend Wahid Hamid for starters.
You might also want to think about interviewing New York literary agent Jane Dystel who
- contacted the totally unknown Obama in the wake of an adulatory New York Times piece in 1990 and
- got him a $125000 advance for a memoir that
- he couldnt write even after a long sojourn in Bali which
- got the contract canceled whereupon
- Dystel got him $40000 from another publisher following which
- the book finally came out to glowing reviews and
- Obama fired her.
Wouldnt she have an interesting story to tell?
Of course you wont. Youre too nice too enamored of history and tradition to realize that the rules have changed.
Remember I live and work in a town where Hello he lied" isnt a joke; we men of the Left are perfectly comfortable lying cheating and stealing hello Senator Franken! in order to attain and keep political power.
Not for nothing is one of our mottos By Any Means Necessary."
You see were the good guys and for us the ends always justify the means. We are literally shameless which is why Bill Clinton is now a multi-millionaire and Eliot Spitzer is already on the comeback trail.
In Saul Alinskys Rules for Radicals the fourth rule is: Make the enemy live up to their own book of rules." This is the book that Reset" Rodham (what ever happened to her?) and BHO II grew up reading and continue to live by.
If you dont understand that thats the way we see you as the enemy then youre too dumb to survive. Remember that for us politics is not just an avocation or even just a job but our life.
We literally stay awake nights thinking up ways to screw you. And one of the ways we do that is by religiously observing Alinskys Rule No. 4.
Did Sarah stand for family values"? Flay her unwed-mother daughter.
Did she represent probity in a notoriously corrupt one-family state? Spread rumors about FBI investigations.
Did she speak with an upper-Midwest twang? Mock it relentlessly on Saturday Night Live.
Above all dont let her motivate the half of the country that doesnt want His Serene Highness to bankrupt the nation align with banana-republic Communist dictators unilaterally dismantle our missile defenses and set foot in more mosques than churches since he has become president.
Weve got a suicide cult to run here. And thats why Sarah had to go.
Whether she understood it or not she threatened us right down to our most fundamental meretricious elitist sneering snobbish insecure Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders bones. She was after all a normal" American the kind of person (or so Im told) you meet in flyover country.
The kind that worries first about home and hearth and believes in things like motherhood and love of country the way it is not the way she wants to remake it.
What you clowns need in other words is a Rules for Radical Conservatives to explain what youre up against and teach you how to compete before its too late.
Luckily since I care about money even more than I care about politics I have just such a book in the proposal stage currently making the rounds of various publishers assuming any of them are wise enough to take me up on it.
And yes this time it really is personal.
David Kahane is pushing for a new national holiday to commemorate the destruction of Sarah Palin and is hopeful that his senators Barbara Boxer and Dianne Feinstein will co-sponsor it along with Henry Waxman in the House. You can second the motion at kahanenro@gmail.com or on Facebook.
