By Ann Coulter
It looks like Brooklyn District Attorney Charles Hynes is on track to win another endorsement from ACORN!
This week Hynes announced that no criminality has been found after his investigation of the videotapes made by investigative journalists James OKeefe and Hannah Giles which show ACORN employees counseling the pair on getting a mortgage for a house of prostitution.
(They got a choice of government loans: Phat Fannie Mae Prince Freddie Mac or Barney Fresh Daddy Frank ... aka Sir Fix-A-Lot.)
Im just glad to know that Hynes conducted a thorough investigation first. Who did he have screen the videotapes Gov. Paterson?
If his investigators had actually watched the videotapes they would have found ACORN employees apparently advising a pimp and prostitute on how to defraud mortgage lenders deposit prostitution money in a bank hide money from the government and avoid detection while running a whorehouse with teenage girls from El Salvador.
Im not a lawyer -- oh wait yes I am -- but I count approximately a half-dozen state law crimes being discussed on those tapes from money laundering to advancing prostitution.
In a Eureka moment ACORN Employee-of-the-Month Volda Albert identifies for OKeefe and Giles the problem they had been having getting a mortgage:
Albert: Um is it legalized? Is prostitution legalized in New York state?
OKeefe: Its not. Its not unfortunately.
Albert: Well see thats your problem.
As ACORN employee Milagros Rivera said You cant say what you do for a living because of the law. But displaying ACORNs can-do attitude she explained: Honest is not going to get you a house.
ACORN employees helped concoct a scheme to hide from the lender the source of OKeefe and Giles down payment money. Albert suggested that OKeefe pay a down payment -- or (Giles) can transfer to somebody else who is not in that business ... a close friend then (Giles) can transfer that and then he can give you like a gift to purchase.
Under New York law hiding the true source of down payment money from a lender constitutes mortgage fraud. Also using the proceeds of criminal conduct in any banking transaction is money laundering.
Does anybody need a flow chart at this point or should I continue?
To help Giles hide her income from turning tricks ACORN employee Albert advised Giles to open two banking accounts depositing no more than $500 per week in each one. (This would not only enable her to conceal her illegal earnings it would also qualify her for free checking.)
But Alberts most inspired idea was that Giles get a house with a backyard. You get a tin can ... and bury (your money) down in there and you put the money right in and you put grass over it and you dont tell a single soul but yourself where it is.
Back when I was in Louisiana we advised people to put their illegal money in the freezer but that didnt work out so well. And I guess putting your money in a mattress isnt advisable if you live in a whorehouse.
Anyway Albert was particularly detailed on the tin-can-in-the-backyard investment plan: Keep thinking: I have a yard. I have a house. You gotta start coming out with like plants and you start doing -- so it wont be suspicious. You start buying plants for the backyard in pots and what have you and you mark a spot.
She later told Giles: You are not paying Social Security so youll have society all right? You are not getting a pension so you need to save that money for in later years. ACORN: Helping Plan Your Financial Future.
If only shady lawyers advised clients to bury money in cans in their backyards instead of putting it in tax shelters we wouldnt have all those attorneys clogging up prison cells!
The ACORN employees also stressed that Giles should do nothing to attract attention to her prostitution money. Albert said: You can buy a decent car for yourself no big fancy thing to attract people all right?
In Alberts defense this could have been common etiquette advice. No one likes a showy hooker.
Even after Giles explained her plan to house a slew of 13- 14- and 15-year-old girls from El Salvador for her prostitution business Rivera simply responded: So you guys ready to schedule that (mortgage application) for the summer?
Rivera clearly missed her calling -- she should be pushing vacation time shares in Boca Raton beach condos.
Under New York law a person is guilty of advancing prostitution if he: knowingly ... aids a person to commit or engage in prostitution (or) ... engages in any other conduct designed to institute aid or facilitate an act or enterprise of prostitution.
It is a class D felony (up to seven years in prison) if the prostitute is under 19 years old -- as the ACORN employees knew Giles was -- and a class C felony (up to 15 years in prison) if the prostitute is under 16 years old -- as Giles stated the El Salvadoran girls were. (And if shes under 15 years old Eliot Spitzer may be involved.)
If none of the advice given by ACORN on those videotapes constitutes conspiracy or aiding or abetting a crime see this column next week for my opus: 10 Detailed Plans to Kill George Soros and Why This Might Be Right for You.
Ann Coulter is a columnist and author of Guilty: Liberal Victims and Their Assault On America.
By Ann Coulter
It looks like Brooklyn District Attorney Charles Hynes is on track to win another endorsement from ACORN!
This week Hynes announced that no criminality has been found after his investigation of the videotapes made by investigative journalists James OKeefe and Hannah Giles which show ACORN employees counseling the pair on getting a mortgage for a house of prostitution.
(They got a choice of government loans: Phat Fannie Mae Prince Freddie Mac or Barney Fresh Daddy Frank ... aka Sir Fix-A-Lot.)
Im just glad to know that Hynes conducted a thorough investigation first. Who did he have screen the videotapes Gov. Paterson?
If his investigators had actually watched the videotapes they would have found ACORN employees apparently advising a pimp and prostitute on how to defraud mortgage lenders deposit prostitution money in a bank hide money from the government and avoid detection while running a whorehouse with teenage girls from El Salvador.
Im not a lawyer -- oh wait yes I am -- but I count approximately a half-dozen state law crimes being discussed on those tapes from money laundering to advancing prostitution.
In a Eureka moment ACORN Employee-of-the-Month Volda Albert identifies for OKeefe and Giles the problem they had been having getting a mortgage:
Albert: Um is it legalized? Is prostitution legalized in New York state?
OKeefe: Its not. Its not unfortunately.
Albert: Well see thats your problem.
As ACORN employee Milagros Rivera said You cant say what you do for a living because of the law. But displaying ACORNs can-do attitude she explained: Honest is not going to get you a house.
ACORN employees helped concoct a scheme to hide from the lender the source of OKeefe and Giles down payment money. Albert suggested that OKeefe pay a down payment -- or (Giles) can transfer to somebody else who is not in that business ... a close friend then (Giles) can transfer that and then he can give you like a gift to purchase.
Under New York law hiding the true source of down payment money from a lender constitutes mortgage fraud. Also using the proceeds of criminal conduct in any banking transaction is money laundering.
Does anybody need a flow chart at this point or should I continue?
To help Giles hide her income from turning tricks ACORN employee Albert advised Giles to open two banking accounts depositing no more than $500 per week in each one. (This would not only enable her to conceal her illegal earnings it would also qualify her for free checking.)
But Alberts most inspired idea was that Giles get a house with a backyard. You get a tin can ... and bury (your money) down in there and you put the money right in and you put grass over it and you dont tell a single soul but yourself where it is.
Back when I was in Louisiana we advised people to put their illegal money in the freezer but that didnt work out so well. And I guess putting your money in a mattress isnt advisable if you live in a whorehouse.
Anyway Albert was particularly detailed on the tin-can-in-the-backyard investment plan: Keep thinking: I have a yard. I have a house. You gotta start coming out with like plants and you start doing -- so it wont be suspicious. You start buying plants for the backyard in pots and what have you and you mark a spot.
She later told Giles: You are not paying Social Security so youll have society all right? You are not getting a pension so you need to save that money for in later years. ACORN: Helping Plan Your Financial Future.
If only shady lawyers advised clients to bury money in cans in their backyards instead of putting it in tax shelters we wouldnt have all those attorneys clogging up prison cells!
The ACORN employees also stressed that Giles should do nothing to attract attention to her prostitution money. Albert said: You can buy a decent car for yourself no big fancy thing to attract people all right?
In Alberts defense this could have been common etiquette advice. No one likes a showy hooker.
Even after Giles explained her plan to house a slew of 13- 14- and 15-year-old girls from El Salvador for her prostitution business Rivera simply responded: So you guys ready to schedule that (mortgage application) for the summer?
Rivera clearly missed her calling -- she should be pushing vacation time shares in Boca Raton beach condos.
Under New York law a person is guilty of advancing prostitution if he: knowingly ... aids a person to commit or engage in prostitution (or) ... engages in any other conduct designed to institute aid or facilitate an act or enterprise of prostitution.
It is a class D felony (up to seven years in prison) if the prostitute is under 19 years old -- as the ACORN employees knew Giles was -- and a class C felony (up to 15 years in prison) if the prostitute is under 16 years old -- as Giles stated the El Salvadoran girls were. (And if shes under 15 years old Eliot Spitzer may be involved.)
If none of the advice given by ACORN on those videotapes constitutes conspiracy or aiding or abetting a crime see this column next week for my opus: 10 Detailed Plans to Kill George Soros and Why This Might Be Right for You.
Ann Coulter is a columnist and author of Guilty: Liberal Victims and Their Assault On America.
