Amen to That! Democrats Will Have to Change 100s of English Words if They Really Want to be 'Inclusive'
By Bryan Preston
AUSTIN, Texas (Texas Insider Report) —
Cong. Ewomanuel Cleaver, Missouri Democrat, (I’ve taken the liberty of changing his name from “Eman
uel” in order to remove any offensive reference to the males of of our species, and replaced it with woman,) lifted up the “prayer heard ’round the world” over the weekend. He closed it with the Shebrew word “amen,” but then added “a-woman” to be inclusive.
That’s not the end of the inclusive effort, or at least it shouldn’t be. Literally dozens of English words have “men” embedded in them
. Many also have “him” and “he” embedded, including the always useful “heh?”
Let’s change that one to “sheh.”
It’s time to root those “men
” out – in the name of including all the "genders."
Some of the words that must be changed to reflect our 2021 sensibilities are just so obvious I can’t believe no one thought of it before Cong. Cleaver provided enlightenmen
t, sorry, enlightenwoment, to us all.
Duh. “MENtor” is so gender-specific. We must change it to “womentor” immediately.
Men have no ownership in either of these words. Some sexist must have come up with these terms. “Womenopause” and “hywomen” just make much more sense.
What, women don’t have that soft middle part of the body? Why is science so gender normative? “Abdowomen” is much more inclusive.
If you’re going to claim all the nice words such as “amen,” you have to take some not nice ones too. Women can get “womenningitis” the same as men, so they can take the name for it too. We don’t use it much anyway.
I don’t know who made this word up, but the formal word for color is offensive on multiple levels. They stuck a pig in there right alongside the men. That cannot have been an accident. It’s not even subliminal – it’s blatant. Henceforth, just to be fair, it shall be known as “swinewoment,” and to be a little less harsh on our tasty, four-legged, bacon-making friends.
The Green New Deal Democrats are going to ban meat anyway.
You see, words like this are why our society is so sexist. We even snuck “men” into the very word we use to describe statues (all of which should be toppled by mobs, of course,) and other things we erect to honor others. Change has come, and such honors must now be called “monuwoments.” It’s only fair.
But they should all be toppled and vandalized, of course.
Surely we men are not responsible for all the world’s arguments. Maybe half... OK, maybe even more than half, Ladies. You can have the word – “arguwoment” – and the kinetic discussions that it defines from now on. You’ll get no arguwoment from me.
I’m not going to do all the Democrats’ work for them, but, if they really want to be inclusive they should put in the time and change every word that some weasels snuck “men” into just to be putzes. Here are few to get them started. Feel free to provide more in the comments.
And then, there's one of my old-school favorites,
English is full of hidden men – so get busy, Democrats!
Once you start looking for all the dastardly “men” in words that have nothing whatsoever to do with gender, it just starts raining “men” everywhere.
Bryan Preston is the author of Hubble's Revelations: The Amazing Time Machine and Its Most Important Discoveries. He's a writer, producer, veteran, author, and Texan.